2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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