This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it fun? or sober?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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