Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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