She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
