Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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