Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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