I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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