Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
