i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
