I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
