textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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