Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
