PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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