sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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