p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
