imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
