sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
