It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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