Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
