yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
