Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
