VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My life is pants optional.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
