Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
