it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
