Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're a waste of cheezeits
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
