I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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