oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
