Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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