??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
