Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
