we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
