Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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