Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
