No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
