I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
