I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
