break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
