She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
