I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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