Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Two words: blizzard sex
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
