You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
