i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The air was thick with penises
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Text me some of your sweat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
