Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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