the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pants are for mortals
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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