my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
