Yo dont text me then not text me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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