at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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