Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
