i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
