1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
